If you are divorced you will need time to mourn, grieve and heal from the loss and death of a marriage. A fresh divorce is very much the same as the death of a loved one, only in this case, it is the death of a marriage. Marriage is a God-ordained sacred institution that none of us entered lightly, and yet here we are, abandoned and alone, with the certificate in hand. We can be very good at hiding our emotions from others and even from ourselves. But God sees it all and wants to heal you, tenderly console you in Christ, and put your heart back together again... over time. It takes time. Trust me, I speak from experience. I was abandoned and got a divorce over 8 years ago.
If you don't give your self space between divorce and dating again, you
will be more likely to make mistakes in dating. People often rush into
dating to avoid the pain of abandonment and loneliness. But in doing
that they deny themselves the much needed time to collect their thoughts
and reflect and release the past and forgive as needed. To avoid
feeling your grief is to avoid true healing in Christ.
We
need to face our grief head on. We are not alone as we have Jesus and we
can use the support of the church and friends. He will touch your heart
in special and powerful ways.
Everyone's season of grief
is different. There is no set time limit. Some people need to grieve
longer periods of time than others. I did not start dating for the first
7 years of divorce. I was not even ready to even think about dating in
the first two years. But do I impose my 7 year waiting period on others?
Absolutely not. I healed and felt ready in my own time, according to
the seasons God had for me. I am now in a season of regrowth, of growing
something new. Never let anyone tell you to stop grieving until you are
ready to stop. Grief DOES have an end... that end is heart health and
healing in the mind and spirit and soul. But only GOD and you can tell
when you are feeling well enough to retry in the world of dating. Go at
your own pace. If you need 2 years alone with the Lord, take it. If you
need 5 years... then God is there for you. If you are like me then you
perhaps did not feel ready to date for a whole 7 1/2 years. But no one
is timing you. Go slow and resist the fleshly urge to date just for the
sake of avoiding pain and loneliness. Only Jesus can help you in your
wounded state.
In time.. the season of singleness will
shift from mourning to recovery and growth. No one really plans how long
they will grieve. They just take it a day at a time. Don't skip
grieving. It is so important that you slow down and let God deal with
your broken expectations and crushed dreams. If He can help a man like
me who was devastated by abandonment and divorce, He... Jesus... Can
most certainly heal YOU!
The grieving process is like a
detox for the soul. It helps you slowly, in Christ, cleanse your soul
and mind from: bitterness, unforgiveness, repetitive and tormenting
memories. It helps you drop your bags at the cross of Jesus. You will
want to open the bags and revisit its contents. Jesus lets you. He does
not force. When you are done, close the bag and let it permanently rest
against the foot of the cross
It is a spiritual and soulish
process with a definite start and an end. But only Jesus and you can
determine how long that process should be. And your friends and pastor
will be able to see your healing as you go.
I am now healed
from my past divorce. I started dating a tiny bit last year in 2016.
Then I did a little more early this year. Now I am developing a new
friendship - a connection that will help me focus on my future in Jesus.
Whether anything serious comes of it, the Lord knows. But God has, in
eight years of divorce, healed me to the point where I can now entertain
the idea of trusting again, having fun again, being myself again... and
being accepted for who I am.
I pray the Lord will give you
the COURAGE to face your divorce pain and give you HOPE for your future.
He can and will HEAL you in the season of divorce and grief. Grief is
only a season... and the season of hope is just after that! God bless!
-Pastor Curtis
Tu Nov 14 2017 1:03pm EST
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