Here are some tips for dating in a godly way:
1. Date in a way that leads to marriage (eventually).
2. Let go of bad dating relationships or dating relationships where stagnation has occurred. Godly dating is meant to help the man and woman grow in Christ, and should some day lead to Biblical marriage. A relationship should not always be in a state of uncertainty. It's natural to be uncertain in the early stages of a relationship. Normally, such uncertainty is settled into confidence as the couple walk and grow together, and look toward Christ.
But if after a long time, you still don't know where your relationship is headed or where you stand with someone, that is a sign you need to re-evaluate the whole thing. Have a talk and see if your partner is willing to discuss things.
3. Don't be afraid to stay single a while, maybe even a very long while.
4. Ask God for direction in Jesus' Name. His Holy Spirit will guide you.
5. Seek God's Word for knowledge, wisdom, and light when dating. The Bible is great at helping us identify the fruit of the Spirit, and godly character.
6. Your relationship should come with a sense of purpose and progress over time. It may require patience at first as there may be a period of uncertainty in the beginning. That is completely normal.
7. Don't plan your future wedding after only one date. Let things progress in their own time, and let your relationship flourish in the Lord in its own time. Dating is the process, not the goal. Marriage should be the goal. Any process worth doing will take time, and it's usually more time than we anticipate. Be patient, and take your time.
8. Take in all the little details about each other, and know that it takes a lifetime to really get to know someone very well. Assume there is more to learn about your relationship and about your romantic interest.
9. After you have both agreed to a committed stable dating relationship that is showing the promise of growth, plan to ask each other the deeper and harder questions. Never shy away from the hard stuff. Do you both agree on boundaries? Christians should save sex for marriage, as an example. Do you both agree on this? How about money? Tithing? Church? Family expectations? Career? Retirement plans? Travel expectations? Communication skills? Do you have common interests and activities? Are you in agreement about the Gifts of the Holy Spirit? Do you both see the Bible as the ultimate authority on life and practice? Are you a spender, a saver, or a giver? What about your partner?
One of the biggest, most crucial questions is: Do you both know the Lord Jesus Christ? Are you both Saved? Are you both committed to following Him?
10. Pay attention to Red Flags, no matter how advanced the dating relationship is. If you haven't married the person yet, then there is still time to end a relationship that has some red flags. By "red flag" I mean signs that the other person is toxic, or that the relationship is unbalanced or that the future marriage might fail or be in constant turmoil. Here are some examples:
- The person you are interested in has a criminal record
- the person is almost always unemployed and usually unwilling to work (especially men)
- the person is always gossiping about others and trying to discredit them to you
- the person cannot (or will not) keep confidentiality
- the person only comes to church because you want them to. (They have no desire of their own for God). After marriage, such a person will not likely come back to church now that they have you as a spouse.
-the person is a poor sport, shows bad attitude when they lose at a board game or a sport
- they cannot control their anger
11. Pay attention to "Green Lights". These are signs that the person you are dating is a good match for you. Some examples of Green lights are:
- you make each other laugh and feel at ease
- you respect each other and the physical boundaries you both established for dating
- you are both saved and at a similar stage in your walk in Christ. You are both hungry to participate in sharing the Gospel of the Kingdom of God on earth
- you both have a similar calling from the Lord
- you agree on things like family, children, money, church and so on.
- you are both faithful at work/church and dependable.
-the person you are dating is kind and helpful to others, even those who cannot benefit them directly.
12. Don't expect people to change once they get married. If you saw an undesirable trait surface in the dating phase, you better believe it will show up more prominently in marriage. People CAN change at their own pace with the Lord's help. BUT Do NOT expect a change going into a marriage. Marriage does not change a person's character, it only reveals the character they already had before marriage.
13. Don't use the person's "potential" when deciding their marriage-readiness. Instead, use their habits, patterns, results and achievements as a guide. Someone who has the ability to work yet refuses to lift a finger may have lots of "potential". But their habits tell you that they will leave all the work to you in marriage. Assume that they will never change, and go with their patterns of behaviour. Never use that nebulous idea called "potential". That just forecasts your own ideals onto them, and will lead to frustration and disappointment down the road when they fail to meet your "idea" of their "potential".
See a man who works hard and is responsible with money and reaches anniversary milestones at his job and/or church? That is not "potential", that is "results" due to healthy "habits"! That is one good example of someone who can be a good marriage partner.
See a woman who always looks for ways to help and is always improving the lives of others around her? Perhaps she just reached a special milestone in her workplace.
That is not "potential"! Again, those are her habits and results! These are good things that are already facts about her, due to her observable attitudes and healthy long term habits!
Use a person's habits, patterns, results and achievements to gauge a person's marriage-readiness during the dating phase. Also, listen to their attitudes. Does their attitude bring you up, or pull you down? Do you find yourself walking on egg-shells around them? Or can you truly be your authentic self with them?
14. Finally, if you love Jesus and want His blessing, then in accordance with Scripture, live apart before marriage. Save cohabitation for marriage if you want the Lord's Blessing. For more on this topic, follow this link to my Bible study on the topic of cohabitation. https://view-finder-blog.blogspot.com/2016/06/what-does-bible-say-about-cohabitation.html
I hope these tips help! Ask the Lord Jesus to guide you. If you truly desire a Biblical marriage that will serve King Jesus in the Kingdom of God on earth, then He can supply you!
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| (ABOVE) Pastor Curtis Alexander with his wife Jenny Alexander at Jackson's Point Harbour, ON at Lake Simcoe. Nov 10th 2022. |
Blessings!!
Pastor Curtis
Assistant Pastor
churchonthego.ca
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Sunday Dec 4th 2022 3:44am Eastern Time.
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