CHOICES AHEAD- Singleness and Marriage are Choices

MARRIAGE AND SINGLENESS ARE CHOICES

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20 years ago, when I was young, before I was married, I used to dismiss singleness. I used to think it was no good. I had no appreciation for God's seasonal gift. (God's spiritual Seasons can last years sometimes). I valued the Biblical definition of marriage. I had great examples of Christian marriage in my life. But I had no real instruction or understanding about singleness as a Christian and how God blesses it for "the things of the Lord" (1 Cor. 7:32).

Well God's Spirit has been teaching me for the past decade now.

When I was abandoned by my ex-wife in 2008, and later divorced, I thought singleness was happening to me. Singleness was something that continued to "happen" to me. And it was something that was always beyond my control. Marriage and singleness just happen. When God wants them to. That is how I thought.

But now, through the leading of the Holy Spirit and through my experiences as a pastor to singles, I can see that singleness is a choice. Yes God is moving and leading. But we are made in His image and so therefore, because He has a will, so do we.

After 7 years of singleness, I finally started to get dates. Most were one-time meetings. All of them were special and great women of God. But it was usually agreed by both that we should not pursue the relationship. Perhaps they had a different geographic calling and ministry calling than me. Or maybe there were other factors. It was no-one's fault. These women were amazing Christians, but that does not automatically mean you have to marry them. Sometimes, a discernment is needed, where you recognize God's timing is different than our own. And there are a slew of practical factors that help to determine whether or not to go down a marriage road with a particular woman. And to any women reading this, the same applies for you: you don't have to marry the very next Christian man you meet! You might want to keep your options open a little longer!

And now, almost 10 years later, I am looking back, on each connection. I can clearly see my choice was to stay single and NOT pursue those relationships. In most cases it was a mutual choice on both my part and hers. I chose singleness. I own it. No self-pity party here.

I did the pity-party at one point, as if I was the "victim" of divorce and now I am the "prisoner" of singleness.

But not anymore. God hoisted me out of a dark and secret pit and cleansed me and made me whole. He changed my thinking on singleness!
 I am a whole Christian and I am single. I am healed and single. I am loved and single. Jesus loves me, this I know! For the Bible tells me SO!!!

Now I am older and wise enough to figure out that I have been CHOOSING my path. God is guiding me through prayer. But He also lets me make choices. I own up to my choices and I honestly don't regret them by-and-large... because I have not married into the wrong situation this time around! :)  I don't regret my singleness because now I still have OPTIONS available to me in Christ that a married person no longer has.

SO.... When I am ready, I will choose marriage, and God Himself truly knows when I will be ready

I can no longer say singleness is "happening" to me. Just as marriage is a choice, so is singleness. Because of Jesus, singleness is sacred, just as marriage is sacred. It is sacred in HIM for He walked as a single on earth!

Do we control all the circumstances surrounding singleness? No of course not. Sometimes conditions favour singleness even when we prefer marriage. Those factors make it tough to break away from singleness when we would rather be married.

BUT.... I am still the chooser here. Not going to be the victim. In Jesus, I have chosen singleness for an indefinite period of time.... a season. I have chosen it because I can see what God is doing with my singleness. :) God is the chooser of me. And in His choice, I am choosing to serve Him.

I encourage you to reflect on the reasons why you are single or why you are married. Does your choice have something to do with it? Or do you see yourself as a victim of random chance? Do you think God makes all the choices for you, or do you believe He makes provisions for you to make choices as well?

God bless you!

Pastor Curtis (PC)