God Delivers the Oppressed Spouse

God delivers the Oppressed. 

A Study By Pastor Curtis Alexander

Newmarket, ON

This is an examination of Scripture to help answer the question of what an abused spouse should do in an oppressive marriage, where there is no sign of improvement or repentance from the oppressive spouse. 

Up til now, many Christians agree: divorce is acceptable when a spouse is 

1) Cheated on by the other spouse (fornication- sexual immorality, including, but not limited to adultery) 

Or 2) Abandoned by a non-believing (not credible) spouse. 

I would like to point out a third category. I would contend that divorce is acceptable for a spouse who is

3) Oppressed by the other spouse. This includes: physical oppression, emotional oppression, verbal threats, or being held captive against the will. This kind of oppression violates not only God's marital covenant but also the laws of the country. God establishes Governments, and He takes them down. He expects His people to obey His Word, and the law of the land. He expects us to report illegal behaviour, and to distance ourselves from it.

This post does not seek to promote divorce... not at all... but rather it seeks to restore a balanced view of the Word of God and destroy legalism which places terrified and wounded spouses in a difficult place with no mercy and no way out. At the same time, this post aims to denounce license, the opposite problem of legalism. License teaches that Christians can do whatever they want and still be under the grace of God. This is just as deadly as legalism. God never allows for an easy-out when two people get married.

HOWEVER

God NEVER said the oppressed cannot get a divorce. Jesus said that divorce exists because of hardness of heart. And no one has a harder heart than an oppressor.

So to be clear: This third category is NOT an easy-out for typical couples who have a difficult marriage and must work through the realities of life. Fact of Life: Marriage is work! One must try their best at all times and be willing to endure some annoyances at times. We all have our faults and strengths. So no one is getting out of marriage because "I don't feel like it anymore" or "I made a mistake". Nope. You made the vow, so you should live with your choice. Marriage is an honourable and precious institution invented by God. It is between one man and one woman with Christ as the centre. We must do all we can to protect it.

HOWEVER - back to the topic of oppression.... This category of oppression is only for those who feel their very safety is at risk due to their spouse or that their doctor has shown that their mental/physical health is deteriorating because of the marriage. This oppression is illegal in most countries. Any kind of harassment or abuse is illegal in Canada. God expects us to honour His law, and also the country's laws for everyone's safety. And oppression of one's spouse is a violation of God's marriage covenant no different than adultery, bestiality, pornography, or abandonment. 

Key verses:

KEY 1) 

Psalm 103:6 KJV

6The LORD executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed.

The word "abuse" is a hot button word these days. Some people get defensive about others who overuse the term and claim "abuse" in marriages where none actually exists. So I choose to use the Biblical term "oppressed". It does not have as much emotional charge to it and it is the word the Bible uses to describe people in ANY oppressive situation where they are mistreated, or threatened, or belittled, or wrongfully held captive.  Oppression sadly happens in countries, in cities, and in families. It also happens in marriages. It is a tragic fact: oppression exists. Oppression comes from human fallen sinful nature. Sin is the root cause of divorce. Divorce was a provision in Mosaic law, because of sin. Jesus explained it further in saying that Moses allowed for divorce because of the hardness of hearts. There is nothing so hard as an oppressor's heart. (See Pharaoh in the book of Exodus.)
So yes, this horrible thing called oppression is here in the world. BUT Jesus Christ is working today and delivering the oppressed! And, one day, God will eradicate all oppression forever! 

KEY 2)

Romans 13:1-6 ESV

1Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.
2Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.
3For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval,
4for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer.
5Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience.
6For the same reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing.

Therefore: God uses courts and governments to use the sword to judge and cut off oppressors. Like oppressive husbands or oppressive wives.  God has many ways of dealing with oppressors and He is not limited at all in His ways. But the courts are indeed one of those ways, according to Paul. There are people who misuse divorce, but then there are people who mistreat their spouse. Divorce can be a real solution for those who get oppressed. 

The believing spouse is called to be a good citizen. That means she is to report abusive/oppressive/illegal threatenings and behaviour and to distance herself from the situation. Enabling an oppressor is not love nor is it Biblical. 

The correct Biblical response to unrepentant and constant oppression from a spouse is to report them and get out of the situation. If no genuine repentance happens and no reconciliation can occur, then the courts can rule in favour of divorce. God delivers the oppressed. Divorce is a very terrible thing, but oppression is far worse and divorce CAN lead to peace in Christ in such situations. 

KEY 3)

1 Peter 3:7 KJV

7Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

The Greek word for "HINDERED" is 

1581 "ek-kop'-to"
from 1537 and 2875; to exscind; figuratively, to frustrate:--cut down (off, out), hew down, hinder. 

God does not listen to the oppressor. He listens to and judges in favour of the oppressed. If a man is threatening his wife and/or hitting her... God has chopped the man's prayers down. His prayer life to God is severed so long as he oppresses his wife. The man can repent, and change his ways. If he does, then wonderful! May the couple grow and flourish together. But if the oppressor never changes, then you can believe that God will intervene in the situation.

KEY 4)

1 Corinthians 7:12-13 KJV

12But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
13And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

Greek word for "PLEASED" is 

4909  "soon-yoo-dok-eh'-o"
from 4862 and 2106; to think well of in common, i.e. assent to, feel gratified with:--allow, assent, be pleased, have pleasure. 

So this passage only applies to situations where the unbelieving spouse "thinks well of" his spouse whom he lives with. He is pleased not just with living together but also with the woman herself. Thus he is not an oppressor. This passage cannot be used to justify living with an oppressor, and it is wrong to shame a woman who has escaped an oppressive marriage through a court ruling. Such oppressors are not "pleased to dwell" with their wife because they do not "think well of" her. He might not leave her, but rest assured, he is NOT PLEASED to dwell with her in the Biblical sense. So Paul's conditions for living with an unbeliever are NOT fulfilled by the oppressive spouse. Paul tells the wife to stay with the unbelieving husband IF he thinks well of her AND is pleased to live with her, according to the original Greek language.  

KEY 5) 

1 John 4:20 KJV

20If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

Here we see that one cannot be a believer and hate his believing spouse at the same time. No true believer can be an oppressor of their spouse because it violates the very nature of God and His covenant relationship with His people.

- - - - - 

I hope some of these Biblical thoughts help to shed light on this difficult subject, as I know a lot of people have been shamed because they left their oppressor. Some obtained God's deliverance through a court ruling. It might be a divorce. It might be a restraining order. Be assured that God can and does use human government, according to Paul the Apostle, and other Biblical writers.

I must restate the fact that I do not believe divorce is necessarily the right course of action. Most marriages are tough, and BOTH spouses must work hard to protect and love one another and to listen and honour each other. In my situation, I was abandoned by a wife who did not believe God's Word. In fact, she called God her "enemy". Divorce was painful for me, but like Paul said in 1 Cor. 7:15, God has called us to peace... And that peace is well received. I believe God has called the oppressed spouse to that very same peace. I pray that people will stop justifying the oppressor. Some legalists insist the oppressed spouse must remain in the house and must remain married at any cost. But that does not take God's Word into consideration. We as believers in Christ must come to the aid of the oppressed. It is the very character of God to do so.
Feel free to agree or disagree with the above study... this is just my humble understanding of the Scriptures and no one has a complete revelation of all the truth just yet. Truth is Jesus. Jesus is the Truth. So more important than what we know is WHO we know. And we know Jesus who died for our sins and delivered us from hell and death! He is the Deliverer!
God bless!

-Feb 14/16 3:13 PM EST

MORE ON THIS TOPIC: Read my post from last year: http://view-finder-blog.blogspot.ca/2015/02/god-delivers-oppressed-through.html