7 Benefits to Being Date-free

If you are a Christian single, perhaps you find yourself in the same position as me.

Perhaps you have been date-free for a number of years.

Perhaps it is time to consider the benefits you can reap from your current situation. I mean, most of us as singles would eventually like to meet and marry someone. But if this is not happening, then we need to ask the Lord to open our eyes to what He HAS given us in this season of being single and without a date. Yes the feelings of being unwanted and unloved are tough to resist. It is hard not to fall into a pity party slump. Believe me, I know. God had to deal with me a number of times. But He has successfully balanced out my thinking over the years. He is so good!!

SO... I want to stretch your thinking a little bit.

I have been living this way, just letting God do as He wills in my life. Now I never planned on being dateless (I planned for the opposite actually). However, it just happens to be this way. There is nothing wrong with me. I am perfectly acceptable just the way I am. I am no less of a person than any other human being. My worth is in Christ. If you are date-free, then there is nothing wrong with you. It just happens to be the season you are in. Nothing more, nothing less. You are perfectly acceptable and loved in Christ.

The last person I dated was my ex-wife before we married and that was about 10 years ago! And my marriage ended over 5 years ago. So I have experienced being date-free as a Christian single for a while now. Here are some of the many benefits I have discovered over the years.

1) You are able to focus more completely on the Lord Jesus Christ. He should always be your first and most central relationship anyway. But a single who is also date-free, is usually blessed above many others with extra time to seek Him and be with Him and be transformed by Him. God loves me, and He loves you. He thinks about you and wants to be with you every day. Did you know that? Do you really process that fact in the depths of your soul? Let God have a good 2 or 3 hours of your time at once. Maybe a half hour at a time. Anything. Just give Him your time and your heart and watch what amazing ways He will know you and love you. He deserves your love and attention in return!

2) You are able to heal more completely from past relationships. It is so important to not rush into dating or new relationships after a divorce or a breakup. Slow down. Take it easy. Regardless of whether you think you are "ready" to start over or not... you should never rush into something new.
 Breathe-- and let the Holy Spirit work on your soul. Let Him minister to you so that you can begin to mend. The longer a marriage is, the longer it takes to heal from it if it were to end. These are facts I have observed and lived through. Being date-free allows you to really recover and regroup. It teaches you to cling to Jesus, not another human being. Only the Lord can heal us and make us complete to our innermost being. Remember that. I have experienced so many sweet and powerful encounters with the Spirit of God and every time He meets me, He goes deep in my soul and makes things just a little bit better, a little more like Christ. He comforts me and allows me to be real and to come clean with Him. So much "junk" has to be brought to the surface - stuff we have been harbouring for years. God knows what it is, and where it is hiding in your soul. And He knows it takes time to remove all the "shards" of hurt that are embedded in the human soul. God's healing comes to our mind and emotions most often by a process. It is rarely instantaneous. Like a skilled and experienced surgeon who will work on a heart patient for hours at a time, God will gently operate on us. It may take years, depending on how we as individuals respond to His touch. Now, would you rather God discover and remove those past hurts, or would you like them to overflow and be dumped out on a new romantic interest? Just something to think over.

3) You can develop in your calling, vocation, and passions. If you haven't taken time to develop your calling in life, this is the time to do it, while you are single and date-free. Since becoming single again, and remaining date-free, I have been blessed by the Lord to really allow my creativity flow. I have not been sitting around waiting for someone to find me. No. I have chosen to write over 25-30 songs in the past 5-6 years and I have been pressing on with my Bible lessons which I teach weekly. I have also birthed a new ministry to Christian Singles and a couple of web pages to go along with that ministry.

http://www.churchonthego.ca/christiansingles.html

https://www.facebook.com/christiansinglesonthego

 I have taken on the piano at church since 2007. It was a huge blessing that was actually a gift to me at a time when my personal life was falling apart and I was in deep pain. My piano ministry came through loss and pain. Yet without the loss, I would not have been engaged in piano, worship leadership, and song writing. Praise God for His ability to turn something negative into a positive!

I only talk about myself to be an example for others. I know you too have passions and a calling for God. You have something to do today.
God wants you to develop who you are and what you care about in life. He wants you to discover what HE cares about and to focus on that with Him. What is your VOCATION? What has God called you to be a STEWARD over?

In addition to that: What are you going to share with a special someone if you never develop your own calling and interests? Take this time TODAY to explore what God has laid upon your heart and do what He wants you to do. I can say for certain that expanding and exploring my creative and Biblical passions has brought me much joy and fulfillment. God has actually used my music and writing, in part, to bring me healing.

4) Save money - This is a more straightforward benefit: if you aren't dating, you aren't spending money on dates! Men and women both spend money on gifts, fuel, and other things while dating and it can be very costly (not always, but usually.) What does the Lord want you to do with your money? Ask Him! Let's be wise stewards!

5) Save time - If you are not spending time with a date, your time is free to do other things. Time is valuable, like money. Spend it wisely. If the Lord has not opened the way for you to date right now, then ask Him what He wants you to spend your TIME on.

6) Keeping your heart (Proverbs 4:23) is easier. A long and hard lesson for me, has been to keep my heart. Out of it flow the issues of life. As long as you are date-free, it becomes easier to keep your heart in a Biblical way, without becoming unreachable. Too often, those who are love-starved and crave a deep connection of significant meaning are too willing to give their heart too soon. They are willing to spill their heart. Yet that other person may just walk away or hurt you. This is not to say we should go hide in a corner and never meet new people, but it is to say that we are better able to keep a close eye on our heart when we are date-free. If God has not opened up a dating opportunity for you yet, perhaps He is helping you protect and guard your heart. Everything He does for us is out of His immense love for us.

7) It is easier to practice sexual abstinence. As a serious Bible-believing Christian, this is so huge. Sex (and cohabitation) between man and woman is designed for Biblical marriage (a covenant signed by witnesses). See Romans 13:13 KJV and Hebrews 13:4 KJV. If you remember my last post on this blog, you will recall I listed 10 benefits to practicing abstinence as a Christian Single. Plus I gave one "bonus benefit"! As long as we aren't spending any time with a person of the opposite sex, abstinence becomes easier to practice. Now it is true that other kinds of temptations will always be around, regardless of our relationship status. But if you are date-free, it is easier to guard your sexual purity. Sexual purity is very good and very beneficial to you now and also in the future!
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So these are just some of the benefits I have discovered in my personal journey. In whatever circumstance you find yourself in, always seek to find the good in it, and be thankful for the benefits God has given you in it. The whole world may be screaming "It's bad to be single and without a date", but this is nonsense. Both dating and not dating have their strengths. Both marriage and singleness are proper gifts of God. One has this kind, another has that kind. (1 Corinthians 7:7). Seasons do change. Some seasons will be permanent. Others will not be so permanent. Keep seeking Jesus and His will for your singleness.

 The Lord's Spirit softly whispers to those who call on (and trust in) Jesus: I am here. I am with you. My favour and grace is all you need.

Bless you!
~CJA

===Sun Dec 14 2014 11:51PM EST===

10 Benefits To Abstinence

And now for a widely unpopular topic, with a positive spin: the Benefits of Abstinence as a Christian Single.
This post is going to be a touchy subject for many of us, but it needs to be clarified: There are many benefits to abstinence in the single life. There is a reason why God tells us to wait until marriage before having sex.

 

Keep in mind, I have been married so I know both sides of the topic I am discussing here. I have only ever been with my wife, and it was after we got married. She walked away on me, but I was true til the end of the marriage in 2009. I have since remained abstinent. And I am still alive and well!

Now before we continue, it is important I note that I am not writing this to draw attention to our past sins. We all have something negative in the past, BUT we simply confess it to Jesus and He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us TODAY. (1 John 1:9-10). That is Good News!!
You are cleared from your past if you repent and turn to Jesus!

So the point of this article today is NOT to focus on what we DID in the PAST. The past is covered in the Blood of Jesus and forgiven. Rather it is to focus on what we practice TODAY! Today is the day we are in, and today is the day we can make a choice to either stay pure, or get pure. This post is meant to encourage and challenge you, and also to help generate new thoughts.

Scripture teaches that sex is designed by God ONLY for marriage (a licenced covenant wedding with signed witnesses), and so is cohabitation between man and woman. See Romans 13:13- "chambering" is disallowed (Greek: KOYTAY- means both sex and cohabitation) and Hebrews 13:4 "Marriage" (Greek: GAMOS) makes the "bed" (Greek: KOYTAY) pure. (Read in the King James version or the Geneva Version). 

Romans 13:13 KJV

13Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying.

Romans 13:13 GENEVA VERSION

13So that we walk honestly, as in the day: not in gluttony, and drunkenness, neither in chambering and wantonness, nor in strife and envying.

Hebrews 13:4 KJV

4Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Hebrews 13:4 GENEVA VERSION

4 Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Those of us who are single, or single-again need to find encouragement not in what we CAN'T do, but in what benefits we DO have as singles!

There are 10 benefits (at least) to sexual abstinence as a Christian Single:

1) There is a GODLY REWARD for keeping God's Word. (Psa. 19:7-14)

2) You stay UNTANGLED IN CONSCIENCE and EMOTIONS - keep your emotions and spirit from being entangled with people who have no intention of loving you or marrying you. And it keeps your conscience clear. Sometimes WE are the one doing the hurting, sometimes we are BEING hurt. Either way, abstaining from sex outside of marriage is a great way to minimize hurts and entanglements.

3) HEALTH - prevent the further spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

4) PREGNANCY PREVENTION- Prevent unexpected/undesired conception. Abstinence has a 100% Success rate!

5) WORTH - you elevate your SELF WORTH when you abstain from sexual relations outside of marriage.
Do you know your identity? Who are you in Christ? (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) You are a HOLY TEMPLE! Your Body has been purchased by God with the blood of the Lamb!
A man of self-worth in Christ will say: "Only the woman who marries me is worthy of this temple of the Spirit- which is my body."
A woman of self-worth in Christ will say: "Only the man who marries me is worthy of this temple of the Spirit- which is my body."

We are made in the image of God. And God operates in covenants, like marriage, when it comes to relationships.

6) BECOME STRONGER AT SELF CONTROL - Self control -temperance- is a fruit of the Spirit. No one is perfect at it, but we can all work at it by God's grace! It is highly valued by God and is very essential to living a non-destrucive lifestyle. Everyone needs self control!
What is better? A proper dam that blocks/controls the water and generates electric power, or a broken dam resulting in a flooded-out town with costly damage?

7) CLEARER PERSPECTIVE - if and when you are dating, it is already tough to stay objective and try to guage where you are at in a relationship. Practicing sexual abstinence gives you a CUTTING EDGE of PERSPECTIVE that others will not have as a single in the dating world. Some will give their body in a relationship where the sex is nice, but everything else is a disaster. They often cannot see clearly enough to end the relationship, nor do they usually find the will power to do so, because the flesh hates to give up sex once it has been experienced.

8) HEALTHIER ATTITUDE TO RELATIONSHIPS in general- we are a spirit, we have a soul, and we live in a body. (1 Thess. 5:23) The Spirit comes first. We must live by the Spirit, and let the soul (mind, will and emotions) and body be ruled by our spirit. When we realize that people are spiritual beings FIRST, before they are soulish or sexual, we begin to approach relationships differently. We begin to focus on spirit and soul more than the body.
By practicing abstinence til marriage, we are allowing ourselves to see others' spirit and soul more.

9) ENHANCES SELFLESSNESS - Abstinence is an AWESOME way to practice being selfless, and to focus on serving others before yourself.

10) You are PRESERVED and PURE!
If the son mentioned in Proverbs 5:1-14 was wise, he would stay clear of fornication and adultery and enjoy the benefits:
Protection of honour and mercy (v9)
Protection of strength and labour (v10)
Protection of flesh and body (v11).

BONUS BENEFIT: 11) ELEVATES SEX to a place of honour, as within marriage. If you have a high opinion of sex as I do, then you will see the BENEFIT to waiting until marriage. It tells everyone, including any person you date, how special you think the sexual union is and how special God made it to be.

If you stay away from the wrong influences and act like your temple is WORTH something to God, and to others, and to yourself then you will see the BENEFITS to abstinence! Don't panic if this was not your way before. As I said, Jesus is more than willing to forgive and cleanse you. Just confess to Him, right here, right now. Let Him set you on this amazing path. It is a disciplined one, and unpopular in the world. It is difficult at times. It will test you. Rely on the Holy Spirit, because it is so very rewarding, and easy on the conscience.

God bless!

Dec 4th 2014 1:03am EST