Don't Pry, Just Pray!

Photo (c) Curtis Alexander

Today's Bible verses;

Proverbs 11:13
New King James Version
13 A talebearer reveals secrets,
But he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.

And...

1 Corinthians 2:2
New King James Version
2 For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.

I'm sure you have noticed that information is super easy to obtain these days.

Big names being exposed as frauds.

Interpersonal relationships falling apart.

Searching for answers on the internet.

Getting hallucinatory responses from generative AI platforms.

The search companies and social media giants all seem to push this AI stuff on us, as if we need to know. 

It almost feels like we should be entitled to all the information.

There are entire markets that exist for the selling or buying information.

But I have developed a "special ability" over the years. 

I developed this ability as a young adult while working in the retail industry and in the Christian ministry. I have gladly carried it into my middle age years. It took time for me to learn it.

What ability is that? Well,

I have the ability to not need to know everything. It's like the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 2:2... he decided "not to know" anything about the Corinthians except Christ Jesus the person and His death, burial, and resurrection.

The faithful person conceals matters that are unfit for public consumption. This is according to Solomon in Proverbs 11:13. (quoted at the top of this article)

Discretion is a Biblical and needed quality in today's world. The Bible says:

Proverbs 1:4 NKJV

To give prudence to the simple, To the young man knowledge and discretion—

Proverbs 2:11 NKJV

Discretion will preserve you; Understanding will keep you,

Proverbs 3:21 NKJV

My son, let them not depart from your eyes— Keep sound wisdom and discretion;

Proverbs 5:2 NKJV

That you may preserve discretion, And your lips may keep knowledge.

The Bible word "discretion" comes from a Hebrew word that, according to Strongs has both negative and positive connotations to it. Strongs says:

 a plan, usually evil (machination), sometimes good (sagacity):—(wicked) device, discretion, intent, witty invention, lewdness, mischievous (device), thought, wickedly. (Source blueletterbible.org)

Dictionary.com tells us discretion means to be "discreet." So when I looked up "discreet" it defined the word this way:

judicious in one's conduct or speech, especially with regard to respecting privacy or maintaining silence about something of a delicate nature; prudent; circumspect. (Source dictionary.com)

The Bible uses this word in a positive way (as seen above), but also in a negative way, to describe wicked devices and evil plans. (See Prov 14:17; Prov 24:8 as examples)

The Bible points out some people can and do abuse discretion and secrecy, sadly and tragically. They hide their evil actions, things that should be brought to light. We know this all too well in the modern age. All we have to do is look at the news.

But this does not mean we should throw discretion out altogether. Used responsibly and righteously, the Bible says "discretion will preserve you" (Prov 2:11) and your close connections.

So this is why I don't pry for information. Unless someone volunteers info to me on their own, I don't ask for details. I only ask for relevant info, such as "will you be at church Sunday?" or "have you seen my latest article?" etc.  Also, I use discretion when sharing with others. I may respect and love my colleagues and friends. But that doesn't mean I need to share everything with them. Our human nature tends to want to know unneeded things, and pass unneeded judgements.  

This special ability:

1.Respects the privacy of those around us.

2.Protects your own household's privacy. 

3.Protects your mind from information overload, including the doom-preachers of the news. (I have news for them, God's word is more powerful than theirs!)

4.Frees your mind to excel at the things that matter. For me this means knowing God's Word, loving people, teaching God's Word, writing, photography, video editing, and photo editing. (etc.)

I don't need to know everything about friends and family and church goers, and neither do you. Why? Because God already knows everything! He is the judge and will make His call in His time. And He is always on time.

Now, I do NOT believe in living oblivious to the world either.

I keep an eye on the news, kind of like a speedometer or temperature gauge. But I don't spend too long on it. These commentators (both conservative and liberal) want to, for their own reasons, paint the most depressing picture they can in order to devalue their political opponents. But the side-effect of this is that the listeners can be depressed and discouraged.

 

So I deliberately limit my interactions with the news. I spend more time in God's word, which is always relevant to the current world situation. God's Word is alive and powerful!

Hebrews 4:12

New King James Version

12 For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

I also limit my interactions with people who share too much. 

I love them in the Lord, don't get me wrong. But I have a mission to share the Gospel of the Kingdom, not to learn all the nitty gritties of someone's life. That's none of my business.

Also, some people use prayer requests as a way to pry for information. I don't agree with that. As a pastor myself, I will pray for people one on one as they ask me to. And I will listen to them. I accept whatever information they share and then I keep it confidential. I then pray for them based on The Holy Spirit's leading and also based on what info the church goer volunteered to me. And that's it! I don't need to know anything else!

If someone asks for prayer for their health but does not volunteer any specifics, then I rely on the Holy Spirit to guide my prayers for them. I don't pry for details. Now, some others in the wider Christian world might pry. But we don't do that at our church. Instead we pray in Jesus Name, knowing that God knows the details and will handle all the parts we ourselves don't know. 

Remember too that secret knowledge was the original idol... the original temptation of Eve.

Genesis 3:4-5 NKJV

4 Then the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. 5 For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

 Satan tricked her into thinking that God was hiding secret conspiracy knowledge from her and that she deserved to know. In reality, God gave Adam and Eve all they needed. They knew life and they knew God. That was all they ever needed to know. They never needed to know the "knowledge of good and evil." But Satan was able to deceive Eve with his lie. Adam was not deceived but commited and even worse sin than Eve. He committed high treason against God the King, and willingly ate the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. 

So Thank God that Jesus Christ came to save us all from Adam's betrayal!

1 Corinthians 15:22

New King James Version

22 For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive.

Satan still tries to tempt us as Christians to want to know more than what our "security clearance" allows for. That's how gossip starts. Christians (very much like non-believers) are tempted to pry for undeserved info. It's info they have no right to. But somehow, they think they need to know it.

No, you and I don't need to know.

If someone is struggling with health, don't pry for details. Just pray. And definitely don't spread "your theories" about their health. That's called a "rumour". It's what gossips do. The Bible tells us not to gossip. (See 1 Timothy 5:13)

If someone is in between jobs, don't pry, just pray!

If a family appears to be having internal problems, don't pry, just pray!  

Even as a pastor, I don't pry for unvolunteered information from our church attenders. The truth is, some secrets are meant to be kept. Keeping them means we protect ourselves and others from unfair judgements and misguided criticisms that have no place. It protects us and others from mischief and meddling.

So if you want to help others, 

1. be a good listener. You can show care and empathy without knowing all the details.

2. Don't repeat anything they share with you in confidence to others.

3. Don't pry for info, just pray for them in Jesus' Mighty Name... Jesus knows all there is to know.

4. Don't misuse prayer as a tool for prying or digging. Example: Don't ask someone about the details of their marriage with the guise of "wanting to pray for them". You don't need details. God already has all the details. Just pray. Praying in faith means you trust God with the details, in Jesus' name.

5. Rely on the discernment of the Holy Spirit. He will guide you in your prayers in ways people cannot. See John 14:26 as an example.

6. Protect your own family or household by practicing discretion in public. Don't overshare. Doing so will stop people from being able to pass foolish judgements on you or your loved ones. It stops the giving of "free advice."

7. Don't spend time with gossips. Don't participate with them even if they are family. The Gossip's only purpose is to spread sensational rumours around to entertain the listeners at the expense of the person being gossiped about. They might feign "concern" for the person, but really, it's an addiction. They are addicted to false information. 

8. If you want to know how someone is doing, ask them yourself. The person will tell you as much as they want to. Avoid going to their acquaintances and friends for information. This is how rumours and gossip can be fostered. Now there are some exceptions to this. For instance, a husband might be out alone shopping, and an acquaintance might see him and ask how his wife is doing. In that case, it's perfectly reasonable for the husband to reply with limited information such as "she's doing well thank you." But I find people in general (believers and non-believers) run around or behind the person in question too often. We need to create more direct paths. Go straight to the person, not to their acquaintances. Even Jesus says it: If someone wrongs you, go to them alone in private.

 Matthew 18:15

New King James Version

15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.  

See that? The goal, according to Jesus is NOT to spread the offense around. The goal is to preserve your relationships! Gossips aren't interested in preserving anything. They only care about entertaining themselves with the latest tidbits, whether they be true or not! So if your friend or spouse or someone else wrongs you, Jesus says to go to them alone. That's your first move. Jesus gives further instructions in case they don't hear you. He says to take one or two witnesses with you. But none of Jesus' instructions involve you gossiping to everyone about the wrong you suffered. So don't play the victim to everyone. The first action should always be, if possible, a one on one private conversation, and the goal should always be preservation of the relationship. This is according to Christ. 

9. Briefing and Debriefing are different from gossiping. Briefing and debriefing are military terms that describe military meetings and their operations. Only those who are in the unit are allowed to know the details. Briefing happens before an operation commences. It allows all the members of the concerned unit to know what the objective is, and what the expected outcomes are supposed to be. Debriefing is when the unit sits down after the operation to discuss what happened. Were the objectives reached? How smooth was  the operation? What areas can we improve in?

All of this is necessary and it must be kept discreet.

 We use these terms in Christian leadership ministry as well.  I will likely discuss these concepts in a separate article at a later date. In the Christian ministry, we use these concepts of briefing and debriefing to help our leadership all be on the same page, and to clarify our Biblical goals in the church, including sharing the Gospel of the Kingdom. We don't share all these details with non-leadership. That's called "discretion".  The main difference between gossip and briefing is that briefing is true and contained to a small responsible group of mature Godly leaders. Gossip is not true. If anything, it feeds on partial truths and blows things out of proportion. Gossip is also not contained at all. This means it spreads to anyone and gets out of control.

So briefing and debriefing are true, controlled, contained leadership sessions meant to better the whole unit (or in this case, the local church). They depend on truth and are guided by The Bible (in a Christian context). Therefore, the whole church benefits from the results of these discreet  meetings. The whole local church grows in maturity and godliness. Briefing and debriefing are mission-focused meetings.

But in contrast, Gossip is false, uncontrolled, and uncontained. Gossip feeds on falsehoods and partial truths. It speculates and distorts. And it's all at the expense of an unknowing victim. 

It hurts the reputations of one or more individuals without them even knowing. It's more than unconstructive. It's actually destructive. And it spreads quickly like a damaging wildfire. Gossip is people-focused, and not mission-focused.

Paul had a mission, to preach the Gospel of the Kingdom of Jesus Christ. In order to do this, he determined "not to know" anything else among the Corinthian church.

I hope these thoughts will help. God bless!   

-Pastor Curtis

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